Processing Grief (16/01/2025)

A week leading up to the 16th January, I received a text asking if I would like to fill a vacant spot in an open-mic poetry night that I had previously attended a few months prior. Knowing that this would mark the day of a year since my father-in-law passing away, I knew this would be a good way to process a lot of emotions that were only amplified by my niece, who never took a breath when she was born on New Years. I wrote the below poem and performed this in front of an audience in a loud cafe, you couldn’t hear it too well throughout, however one lady approached me after and said how she was touched by my words as she had lost her own father not too long ago.

Today marks a year since losing you
And the new year began by another soul being laid to rest
Two relationships that were to be new
But their hearts were due to cease in their chest

We loved before our relationship was cemented in truth
Missing out on opportunities that could have been
Grief is a testament to how much we love dearly
But I hold onto what remains as a memory

Your endearment traversed over the vast ocean floor
Becoming a family before you were legally my father-in-law
Including me in family plans, projecting my face onto a tv screen
Welcoming to know my presence in your home was seen

I often think about how you would approach problems and difficulty
Encouraging me to be gracious and in the face of hardship to think optimistically
Your wisdom echoes through my inner voice through moments of turbulence
To be resourceful, generous while exercising cautiousness

Your affections shone through the twinkle in your eyes
The light of your soul shining through your kin is no surprise
I’m grateful I can see this reflected in my significant other
Calm through our challenges with his comforting demeanour

And now onto the innocent one who cemented her place in our lives
A new years angel that will be noted as years go by
Not a breath in this world but 9 months of love poured into our hearts
Grateful to see you though your time here was sparse

Your parents are virtuous, filled with compassion, they are gentle and wise
You have a sister rolling around, animated eyes with the sweetest of smiles
An older brother full of cheeky mischief who enjoys a good cuddle
They both love to play together, and love my tummy tickles

Keeping a strong face for others but holding the pain within
Scenarios of the future and her personality we do imagine
Holding onto the hope of our teachings to ease the pain
Playing blissfully in a heavenly realm until reunited with her parents again

Losing someone is never easy, it will always be ‘too soon’
Time is helpful but a painful process we must wade through
Grief carries a multitude of symptoms and we all handle it in different ways
All you wish is for is to see and hold them for one more day

It will hit you frequently in your waking day
The heartache keeping your laughter at bay
You may sleep too much or lay awake without a wink
Trying to piece life together but always noticing the missing link

But one day you’ll wake and every minute won’t feel as rough
Their presence in your heart will be unburdened and your peaceful memories will be enough
You’ll get through your week without the heartache keeping you captive
And look up at the sky, remembering them as you keep adapting.